These days have been pretty much just all about studying and sleeping. Not even that much about eating anymore, LOL what a joke I'm already losing so much weight it scares me. But I feel guilty from spending money, I hope that makes it all better because at least I don't feel guilty from eating. (:
And when I reach home and lie on my bed after a long tiring day, and read BBC News/Times Mobile on my iPhone, I feel like I'm not living my life at all. Lol like within that 12 hours I'm studying and spending time with lifeless paper and ink, so many other things were happening in the world. Change was ongoing, but I remain still (literally, butt stuck to the chair, eyes glued to the notes) And I actually get mixed feelings cos idk... I just felt so and I.... fall asleep after that, halfway reading some news HAHAHAHAHA. That's so me and anticlimax~
I've become someone who feels satisfied so easily, but the satisfaction often derived from studying. Argh, how nerdy is that LOL. I feel satisfied when I realise I've clocked 12 hours of studying and still could go on (OMG THAT'S SICK, HAHA) and perhaps more normally, like today, I felt extremely satisfied just sitting in front of the tv watching tv (duh) and drinking bubble tea HAHA. Eh Please don't say I'm sick okay everyday I see the same group of people at starbucks even though on most days I reach earlier and/or leave later, I've come to witness this guy from RI who REACH EARLIER AND GOES HOME LATER THAN ME. HAHAHA OMG. the only period of time he goes "missing" from my sight is prolly sometimes in the noon, but then you'll realise he appears at night to study overnight (which at times in the morning i see him, i wonder if he had gone home hahaha) And recently I've also heard from a friend that someone from my school was captured on CCTV to study at this place for 24 hours straight LOLLOL SERIOUSLY....!!!!
What has A Levels done to us~~~ Our life.... Or a lack thereof.
-.-
Came to realise the perks of having an iPhone. The best function thus far (besides the countless of photography apps it has granted me to satisfy my camwhoring needs, which will be showcased later hahahaha) been iBooks, because i can now save all my answer scheme/formula list/all the study stuff inside HAHAHAHHAHAHA HOW GEEKY AGAIN YOU TELL ME. This is my life........ or the lack thereof again. hahaha Okay, the best part is that my iphone served as a good substitute to my laptop and it's so all-in-one I stopped using my laptop for close to 2 months alr HAHAHA. Not advertising for iphone though, LOL just glad to have it :)
Been analysing myself alot lately. Don't even know if there's something like that that works, because while analysing ourselves we tend to be rather, urm, too positive and defensive at times. But urm well i dont know how to explain but I somehow linked up my habits to my character... like things i'm so used to, it actually kinda speaks who I am.
Take for example, I can't sleep with my lights off. (don't tell me what sleep w lights on got increased chance of getting cancer blablabla ah LOL) I MUST sleep with my lights on if I'm alone and I don't close my room door. I don't know how this came about or what this speaks about me but... I realise maybe I'm really afraid of being in the dark, I'm afraid of uncertainty, and I fear of being shut on. And I guess it's true to a large extent. Every time I come home and I realise I'm alone, I WILL ON ALL THE LIGHTS IN MY HOUSE (LIVING ROOM, KITCHEN, TOILET, BEDROOM) even though I may only be in my room. Maybe it can be argued that I'm just afraid of being alone, but I guess it's not being alone that I'm scared of, I'm probably more afraid of not having my existence felt and known in a place that I am, that feeling of being insignificant. I'm pretty sure nobody likes that. It's not vying for attention, but probably wish to feel secure in a place that you exist in. OK. WHAT. AM. I. TALKING HAHA I have a serious problem with sleeping at night. On most nights once I close my eyes I dare not open them again.... and for people who know me well enough you should know why...
Aiya I don't even know how to put my thoughts across anymore.
My stomach is growling but I dare not step into the kitchen, cos before I began typing this post I went t fill up my bottle and I got scared by a lizard. LOL Fail shitz. Maybe I'll read some more stuff and sleep. Going school tomorrow for awhile. (SUCKS, HATE GOING SCH) and I'll camp at usual place again:)
Okay, fine I failed. while loading the photos i happily opened my bag and took out a packet of caramel corn and am munching on them now. Happy stomach! (:
Good night all~~
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