Today was a good day in a really long time. Finally removed the "I am grounded" rule set by myself and thus, it's time to head out! I've been a really good girl I don't think I've done any shopping ever since that once after prelims, really gooood hehe. Sooo, met the clique for dinner and celebrated belated bdays for WX & HM :) Really nice to see everyone again, always treasured and enjoyed all the times spent with them because it'll always be filled with laughters and all :') And I think they're the only bunch of guys we will ever go prom shopping with without feeling much awkwardness!
Speaking of prom, no I am not going cos I'll be going with HCCD to Beijing! (: Yayyyyy I'm pretty much sure Beijing will be so much more worth it than prom, and post prom, and whatsoever... but the only major crisis I'm facing now is I've not danced for 6 months since Dance Night and I AM STIFF, LIKE VERY VERY. I'm so disgusted by how inflexible I am oh my gawd.... so after A's, while everyone stops mugging, I'll be "mugging" my gong1 everyday!!!! so that I will not diu1 lian3 when I go beijing la pls... HAHA!
Bringing back the topic of A Levels, I'm so glad it's finally coming to an end. The whole experience was... different, from O Levels. In an unexplanable way... perhaps it's the papers, the environment, the people. I guess where we are plays a very significant role in how we perform, our motivation and strive to do well. I have to say college has been a lot of independent work... there were barely anyone to rely on, unless you're really lucky to have found (smart) friends to fall back on (like Zoe who always answers my chem questions!!!^^) It's kind of like a race that everyone has decided to run individually, seldom stopping to help those who're dismayed and stuff... All that we care seems to only be the destination, and somehow it seems like the process of helping and learning didn't seem to matter. I know this is over generalisation, but at least from my point of view this is how it has been, and this is what I've experienced. & sometimes even when you helped someone who fell down to get up, they may just sprint ahead of you without acknowledging once your help. It's a cruel reality and this is so different... I don't know if I ever am gonna be one of those idiots in the future who regret saying how much they dislike college life and stuff and that "I miss jc" and all, but I am 99% sure I won't be saying those.
It has been an eye opening experience for me.... perhaps more towards the negative scale but I guess such experiences, once will be enough. I am, in all entirety, mind and soul, glad that I am no longer going to be tied down by this sick-of-school feeling anymore. And in case you all people out there who are filled with pride and loyalty for the school, no I am not trying to say this is the worst place anyone can ever be in, but at least for me it wasn't the best place to be in. BUT I was the one who made this choice to come here right from the start, so i guess ultimately there's a rationale behind all these realities that I experience which is a huge deviation from my expectations. I am not, in any case trying to degrade or be unappreciative for what I have that "many others wish they have too but never had the chance to". I am appreciative for this learning experience that is different, the wonderful departments and staff in school, the many nice people i've made in this school (but i normally do not associate my close friends with sch) but in all honesty it just isn't "my style".
The fact that we're all tied down by our own expectations and aspirations itself can be a source of motivation and stress at the same time. Throughout the entire period of A levels I was so freaking scared I have screwed it to such an extent the outcome will be of the worst, but I have thus eliminated that thought because I have already sold my notes away HAHA. I guess no matter how insecure we are, we need to have a little faith in ourselves that we can do it to tide through everything. Right now, seeing straight As will really be a miracle and an extra bonus. But what really matters is I've done the best I could given the priorities and commitments I've decided to place on for the past 2 years. But seriously, the most terrifying factor of the entire examinations is that it probably has the ability to decide your (near) future.. which sadly means my concession fares are ending soon and here comes the most dreaded part of adulthood... ADULT FARES! #firstworldproblems
Hope that my 8 months ahead will be a useful and meaningful one, spent with dance and a decent job for myself, and time for my friends and family. & tonight has been a night filled with lots of thoughts and reflections as I tried to recollect some of the past events that... has always left me dumbfounded like i dont know and it seems like i wont ever know why certain things have turned out in such a particular way. Perhaps some things will forever remain blinded to us and the truth kept away from us for our own good, but it is really a pity to see them start to turn stale and slowly disappear from your life. It seems like avoidance, but I don't really know. How can human relationships (no, not even the love kind, the platonic kind) get so complicated in a sense that treating other people genuinely do not always make them think that you're treating them genuinely? This forever remains a knot deep within me as I fail to untangle the complexity of human relations, and more often than not i spend way too much time trying to decode someone's actions and thoughts which is plain stupid imo. Yeah i just called myself stupid i think LOL.
It's been a really long time, probably in fact years where I could finally sit down in front of my laptop and type something complicatingly rational. Usually I'll just sleep it off. but i guess since I have the time tonight I'll just see if anythings flows, and i'm kinda surprised by the amount I've typed.
It's hard to understand the relation between two people. It's hard to understand others. And it can even be hard to understand yourself.
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