Decisions

Every year, comes new challenges and new decisions for us to make...

Having undergone two years of jc, I'm certainly afraid of making the wrong choices. I did not regret the jc path. I'm just afraid what I want may not always be what things eventually turn out to be.

Who knew the girl who fought so hard for that 6points to enrol into hc would have such strong negativity towards the school once she entered it?

And because of this experience, I told myself whatever decision I make in life must be thru proper thinking and they must be rational... I'm 18 now, turning 19 in a month's time. It's time to make more mature and rational decisions than to solely and purely follow my heart. Yes, all this entire train of thoughts came into my mind while I thought of a level results, uni courses and all. Everything that affects my future this year.

I'm not quite sure if all the hard work, determination and perseverance is ever enough. I'm not sure if lady luck and life always decide to be so kind to me. I am afraid of what's lying ahead for me and yes I am fearful of disappointment... I am afraid that I have nowhere to go... I don't even know why these feelings are haunting me now when results are still far from being released. Maybe it's rlly this thing that hc has done to me-- giving me a sense of insecurity and feeling like I'm never good enough. Never good enough to belong to the top of this elite education...

But one thing for sure, I know the best decision I made this two years was to downgrade my econs to h1. Nevermind how the people around me, mainly people I don't know started judging and doubting my capability, saying I'm lousy and have no perseverance or whatever... That decision was the greatest form of relief for me. Even though I could safely continue w 4 h2 and stuff, even though that decision comes at the price that many scholarship boards will not even consider me because I have no 11AU, I knew what I was doing and to me, I've never regret that decision. So here, I wanted to type in the previous post but I forgot, to those who have made me doubt myself for my decision, no I am not regretting. And I hope you do not actl regret your moment of bitchiness at that moment.

Life surprises us always, 2011 wAs so miserable but I learnt so much. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all. I got out of comfort zone much earlier than most of the ppl so perhaps life will be easier to adapt in the future for me I hope. There was syf, dance night and its drama where my results were so sucky that i couldnt stay in the organising exco and all that shit, parents meeting some dean due to shit results, ppl judging me due to shit results, ppl-env-relation problems...I should really stop dwelling in the past... It's a new year already. But I think I'm really lagging quite behind in my blogging!!!

Perhaps the greatest reward in '11 was finding someone who truly matters to me and places me as a priority:") and being able to keep close friends around me... As we grow older, we have lesser friends. We widen our social circle, but only few truly matters. This is totally relatable.

2012 has had a great start so far. I managed to get a job which I will be starting soon, I've been dancing frequently, and hopefully what's ahead will be good for me after going thru such tough years before hand.

Most importantly, i hope I'll make the correct decisions in everything I do this year. Because there is really no time for regrets! Hope that this year I'll fulfill all my new year resolutions (set in the previous post) :)