Start of something new

HI PEOPLE, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I know I am rather late in the wishing, and I didn't even get to post up my end of 2011 post... To be honest, I was typing half way the other day and I fell asleep, and i woke up feeling i wrote a chunk of crap so i deleted the draft.

As much as I just wanna leave those bad memories behind, I think I'll just roughly summarise the year, as well as a few new learning points for me.

2011 has been one of the most tormenting years, as well as a rewarding one. Just minutes ago, I was browsing through my facebook and I realise so many things have happened and changed. When I rewatch all of HCCD's performance videos, I felt really touched at all the happy memories that I've had, all the friends I've gained and the things I've learnt. And it has always been for moments like these that I am thankful for my choice 2 years ago, to enrol into Hwa Chong (Chinese Dance).. I'm glad I am able to find somewhere to fit in and find people who make me comfortable around them in this school...

To be very honest, and I can finally be this naked and frank, the toughest part about fitting into HC is about fitting in with the people. I do not mind stepping out of the comfort zone, I do not even mind how challenging the entire college life is... Nevermind the late nights, the screwed up grades, the travelling time... but the people really made a difference. Because I feel that I'll never really ever fit in... people in HC, are either from IP, or the O level girls come in groups together from their alma mater. And I, was almost all alone without any close friends that I could back on in this foreign land. I will never forget the days I feel so helplessly out of place...I've met nice people here, but I'm not quite sure if they'll eventually just turn to acquaintances and then to strangers.. It's like right from the start the people you meet here, you know 90% of them will automatically vanish from your life the moment you graduate. It's not that I've never tried fitting in, but sometimes the judgement that people give makes everything so hard to achieve. Not to mention the mean things that I've heard/seen that really hurt... when i did not even do any shit. And a few black sheeps is enough to make me not wanna try anymore. Which is why I dread school, I dread every single second I spend in school. Because I have barely anyone to turn to. Even though theres Jabez and Russel, but they also have their own group of guy friends and even being close to them will get ppl to judge and gossip. So perhaps it was better off physically alone. Yes, for once in my entire life I felt insecure, conscious and really unhappy. And because I did not want to allow myself to feel not confident about myself, I really really hated this place. I know hate is a strong word but, nobody will really understand how this felt, because even right now, there are still so much feelings left unwritten, unspoken. They are all still left tangled and hidden deep within, but it still hurts whenever I think about it. And I finally feel great to be able to let this all out. Because once this gets published, i dont care if people are gonna start judging me or criticize me for how i stereotype them, I'll not entertain them because this part of my life will be gone forever.

I have swore upon my life that besides results day, and probably dance night, I will never step into HC again. Because just one minute in the school will haunt me down and make me miserable, I AM NOT KIDDING. Because I have told myself that nothing in life will ever make me feel insecure and doubtful of myself. I am probably thankful that these 2 years have made me so much stronger and tougher than I was.

And I cant feel any better now that I no longer have to fear that all my anti-school feelings get judged by my sch ppl because i think i am prolly not gonna see them (most of them, 90%?) for the rest of my life again. And I know, 2012 will be a lot better because there will be much lesser tears and a happier me.

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So, 2012 I am into adulthood (DAMN YOU ADULT FARE) and I shall make more mature and rational resolutions
1) Be happy, Be thankful and always count my blessings.
2) Get a job, save up for my own expenses, be more financially independent
3) Learn driving
4) Be a better dancer/do not deprove
5) Spend more quality time with friends
6) GOOD A LEVEL RESULTS !!!!!!!
7) Be healthy
8) Be a better daughter

Okay thats all for now i think?I am going to doze off alr sorry this post has no photos HAHAHA GOOD NIGHT!!!
(btw im hvng dance every night thats why i am soooo tired)