Turning Twenty (all-words post)

6:17 AM

Been away from this space for awhile and now that I'm back, I'm back an older person!

Turning old in itself feels nothing abnormal. I mean, we go through this day in life every year, and we just add another year to our life and live the next day like any other day. Yet turning 20 this year feels different.

Being twenty technically means I'm no longer a teen, but yet 21 to be a fully legal adult to do almost anything and everything. It's a transition year perhaps to really find myself. Or is it actually to live the last bits of teen-hood before getting serious in life?

Some of my friends tell me "I'm thinking too much" when I appear so troubled over this problem of turning 20. (Afterall, it's just a number, not reflective of our mentality and thinking, just like how most females will choose to console themselves) But probably... not for me?

After staying in hall I start to realise how fast my parents are ageing. Every week or every fortnight after I reach home, I can tell difference in them. How many of us actually take a close look or observe our parents enough to realize that they're catching up with age, their health is deteriorating, they're not as agile as before, etc...? & at times as such I always wonder to myself, "when will I be fully capable of taking care of them?"

In 5 years? 10 years? or more?

As we celebrate our youth, don't forget that our parents are growing old with us as well. I always feel guilty whenever I'm too tied up with work (esp these few weeks) and hall activities that I can't spend the weekend at home with them.

Sometimes, I feel extremely unfillial for choosing my personal space and making myself comfortable in hall than to travel the distance and head home. I am now no longer the teen who can still use ridiculous excuses like "I'm still growing up and too immature to think for others" and nonsense like that, but yet I am helplessly incapable of doing something to ease my parents' burden.

Even though staying hall could be idiotic at times because we have to ACT all sociable when no, really, I don't really care if I interact that much with people I'm not interested in hanging around with, but staying in hall really made me grow to think more sensibly for myself and the people around me, particularly my family.

This is the reason why I still choose continue working part-time even though hall activities is crazyyyy and there's school and I'm not exactly doing well. But, I'm contented nevertheless even though I'm all worked out because I know I'm beginning to learn to be financially independent for myself and picking up skills which may be essential for me in the future. Skills unattainable from books, as cliche as it sounds. & this is the only way I feel like I am actually doing something "concrete" enough to show my parents that I am good enough to step out to the world soon, so don't worry (that much).

Am I right to think this way?

From that little wilful adolescent that I was 10 years ago to a teenager who couldn't understand what "hardship" really meant 5 years ago, I must shamelessly applaud myself for maturing so much these few years. That, my family really really means utmost priority in my life right now even though I'm SOO BAD at showing it. (I mean, i still behave like a child at home, throwing senseless and stupid tantrums at times)

I've not much of a resolution to make for stepping into the next decade of my life but just simply to learn to make wise and mature decisions and everyone around to stay safe and sound and healthy!

On to a new decade of my life, adulthood here I come!
& tbh quite excited for what's in store for me because REAL life is starting after spending and am still spending my years being tied down by education. They say studying is the best part ever but yknow, curiosity kills always.

Hopefully by the next decade of my life, I would have found myself and settled down with the right other half, watch my parents cry during my wedding, be in good terms with my in-laws and start adding mini-me to the family line. & all these are things that not only makes me happy, but my parents too :)

Reality check: I am only 4 days into being 20 years old and I am thinking about being 30??? I MUST BE CRAZY.

It being the 7th day of Chinese New Year today, it's "Ren Ri", meaning it's everyone's birthday! So why not stop and think about the people around you as well? Don't forget, when we grow a year older, so do our loved ones.

Turning twenty, the best thing that ever happened to me these two decades were the best parents I could ever ask for :) Are they yours too?

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