Reflection of the Week

4:53 AM

The week is over, FINALLY. Why are all weeks 7 days but some just feel like 70, and some 1? This must has been one of those weeks in the year where I could feel the importance of all things that hold a place dear and close to my heart. This week, (partly contributed by the fact that it's one of the last few weeks of the year), also made me acknowledged the fact that stepping into the 20s, or adulthood, is really such a complicated process.

Having held a (very) serious conversation with a friend earlier this week made me realize that, in the process of growing up, we often tend to lose ourselves. We lose our rational thinking, our sense of logic, our maturity of thought, and the friends that we make in life, aren't always as true as we thought they are. A friend should and will never, make us feel miserable/ less valued as a person just for the benefit of them. And if they do, then let's just admit it, they're making use of us. "Suddenly", everything in life isn't as simple as saying sorry after a quarrel, and even forgiveness doesn't guarantee the fact that it will be forgotten.

Keep yourself away from the people who makes you feel less valued as a person/individual

Everyone has insecurities, and an inner desire to be paid attention to and be loved. Yet it is extremely scary how the fact that this is being known to most, some pay attention to these details but some choose to hurt us right at the very place it's vulnerable. I'm pretty sure everyone has met at least one person in their life where they see them as "important" but they see you as "trash". If you haven't, then you are really really lucky.

Spent the entire week thinking through lots of stuff, especially with the year end approaching and it's about time to review my year again. And I had to revisit my first post of the year / smth close to that to see if I have accomplished my resolutions for this year. Has anyone spotted the irony yet? I just went through the year completely unsure of what were the resolutions I set... Hence I decided to look at my entire year without any pointers and sieve out important lessons from there. But that will come in a later post. And just reflecting upon the second half of the year itself is enough a psychological and emotional nightmare to go through. But it just made me feel even more certain that what I still have today with me definitely didn't come easy at all -- my family, my relationship, my friends and everything that matters to me.

Gone were also the days I'll return home to rant about how bad the school day was, how tired I felt, how someone made me feel bad or etc. The absence or lack of it doesn't mean these feelings or experiences no longer exists or persists in my life, but it is more of the fact that an increasing proportion of feelings that comes to me becomes extremely intimate and private to my life and, there's no way I can bring myself to even put them down in words. Friends and acquaintances alike, have come up to me and ask me if I ever "feel insecure" or is there anything that I "lack in life". And my answer to them has always been "Yes, of course. I am also human". I only choose to highlight the better events in my life on social media because these are things I wish to revisit to. Or at least events that I can look back at and learn a lesson from.

Because problems now could mean life and death, and decisions and mistakes made now doesn't grant a second chance. Because friends come and go, and we are constantly stuck in the confusion of what's real and what's not. Because being in the 20s is the most crucial yet the most uncertain period of your life.

I wouldn't want to risk any chances, because I was this close to losing the most important things in life.

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